Youtookmypicture California
Can You Remember Every Single Person You’ve Kissed?

I don’t know if I actually remember this, or if it’s because I’ve been told, but as a child I used to kiss everyone. I was very affectionate and very outgoing before I became self aware, self conscious and socially anxious.

Prior to coming out, it was some time between ages 11 and 13 when I had my first boy kiss. I was with a group of friends from the neighborhood and we were walking back home from the park. His name was Anthony and he was a little bit older than I was. Even though he wasn’t that attractive to me physically, I think I was attracted to his sense of humor and his bravado. He would do or say anything without hesitation and for someone who always thought twice before saying or doing anything, that was something to be envied.

As we were walking down the hill, I remember him grabbing my hand as he pulled me back and swiftly kissed me on the lips. It was wet and pretty rough, not really what the movies made it seem like. I stood there shocked as the two other friends we were with watched for a brief moment before running off. In a panic I ran off with them. I don’t remember seeing him after that.

I came out when I was 20 and 5 years later, I have kissed 4 guys. I only harbored feelings for 2 of them.

(Source: shanemichael)

17 / 02
16 notes

Just ran into someone I hadn’t seen since high school. He hugged me. Kind of awkward. He didn’t even introduce me to his girlfriend or whatever she was.

27 / 10
0 notes

Geez, 3 months since my last watercolor piece. That’s not good. Not good at all.

21 / 06
1 note

// There have only been two movies that have made me bawl out crying//

The Lion King, Fluke, and now Artificial Intelligence.

Apparently this thing was released 10 years ago (which from the vehicle design and CG makes it totally believable since it doesn’t seem like that long ago) but I was at the gym and they were playing it on one of the TVs. 30 minutes of cardio just flew right by because I was totally engrossed in the movie despite feeling like I was going to pass out from the low food to high caffeine ratio. Though despite hanging on every word and the adorableness that was Haley Joel Osment’s then face, I couldn’t stay on that elliptical forever. Figure I’d netflix it later.

But netflix didn’t have it.

10 minutes later it finished downloading from some random source and I was in the living room with the lights down low at 2 in the morning not quite realizing what I was getting myself into. I had to stop the movie to get a box of tissues so that I could breathe again because all the crying had left me struggling for air. Two thirds of the way in I was surrounded by crumpled up tissues almost reminiscent of the Fluke screening where in the tissues piled off the couch and onto the floor and under the coffee table (I ran out of tissues that night). 

When the movie had stopped I had to get up and move the clothes into the dryer and I actually had to stop and take a moment to sob over the washer. I recalled the credits and thought to myself, one day I will make a movie that reduces someone to this ridiculous amount of crying.

Everyone was talking about how Toy Story 3 made them cry. Watching that movie I felt more angry and frustrated than sad and depressed (He should have kept them, that girl didn’t deserve them). It almost made me feel like I was missing out and that maybe I was just too emotionally jadded to be affected by movies now a days. It’s nice to know that I can still be moved by something.

20 / 06
2 notes

Last night I decided to text someone I hadn’t seen or heard from for quite some time.

“Hey, are you going to be in the area tomorrow?”

“No, I have work.”

“I see. Have fun.” I said trying not to sound too disappointed.

“Hey, send me your picture, I want to show my boyfriend what you look like.”

“Boyfriend huh? This is news.” I send him a picture anyway.

“Guess I’m the only one who thinks you look like Robert Downey Jr.” He said before saying goodnight.

I don’t know why it bothers me. The fact that I still viewed him as a possibility made me feel a if I’m still living in the past and that I haven’t been able to grow as a person since we last spoke. Either way, I just need to get over the idea that my life is somehow defined by the actions of other people.

04 / 06
0 notes

// X-men: First Class//

Damnit Hollywood. This could have been the bromance of the year.

03 / 06
0 notes
So I’ve been at this school for about a year and a half now and I’ve never gotten to the point where I wanted to cry in class because of a critique until today. I’ve been frustrated and angry but never on this side of the fence. Today was the last day for this music video project and with all the work I’ve been putting into it, coupled with the morning dose of crack-coffee, I was both excited and terrified. Truth be told the video was kind of thrown together at the last minute so up until I got up to the front of the room I wasn’t really sure what I was putting out there. There wasn’t really any feedback from the class. I could only remember one guy saying something positive then the teacher goes, “Well we know you’re talented, so here’s what’s wrong with it.” Then while pointing all the flaws, other people followed with their critiques. It was fine up until he started going into why it wasn’t as great as it could have been and that I kept the class from becoming invested in my project because I hadn’t shown any of it for the past 3 weeks up until that point. I hate feeling like I’m in trouble and actively go out of my way to avoid it. And after I went back to my seat, he continually brought it back up. Even comparing it to another guy’s work and saying his was better because it became a group effort. I didn’t really see it that way and it wasn’t designed that way in the project briefs either. This was a demonstration of what I’m capable of. I’m putting in all this effort because it’s my project. I’m not getting paid for this nor am I working for anyone. It’s a labor of fucking love. I guess that’s what made it hurt more. It just really sucks to put forth all this effort (and money) and not have a pay off.

So I’ve been at this school for about a year and a half now and I’ve never gotten to the point where I wanted to cry in class because of a critique until today. I’ve been frustrated and angry but never on this side of the fence.

Today was the last day for this music video project and with all the work I’ve been putting into it, coupled with the morning dose of crack-coffee, I was both excited and terrified. Truth be told the video was kind of thrown together at the last minute so up until I got up to the front of the room I wasn’t really sure what I was putting out there.

There wasn’t really any feedback from the class. I could only remember one guy saying something positive then the teacher goes, “Well we know you’re talented, so here’s what’s wrong with it.” Then while pointing all the flaws, other people followed with their critiques. It was fine up until he started going into why it wasn’t as great as it could have been and that I kept the class from becoming invested in my project because I hadn’t shown any of it for the past 3 weeks up until that point.

I hate feeling like I’m in trouble and actively go out of my way to avoid it. And after I went back to my seat, he continually brought it back up. Even comparing it to another guy’s work and saying his was better because it became a group effort. I didn’t really see it that way and it wasn’t designed that way in the project briefs either. This was a demonstration of what I’m capable of. I’m putting in all this effort because it’s my project. I’m not getting paid for this nor am I working for anyone. It’s a labor of fucking love. I guess that’s what made it hurt more.

It just really sucks to put forth all this effort (and money) and not have a pay off.

20 / 05
0 notes

// At the corner of University and 4th//

I was walking in Hillcrest and after I crossed the street these guys in a red prelude were going, “WOoOOOOOOOooOO” out the window. I have never giggled so much in my life.

15 / 05
Notes

// Building Computers//

So I’ve taken it upon myself to try and build a computer to suit my needs and its been quite an undertaking. I’m staying up late at night watching tutorials and mapping out what components are compatible with what, what the reviewers say, what the prices are. It’s just a bit more than I had anticipated.

Then my friend shows me a Dell that is basically the same set up I have for about the same amount of money minus maybe 300$. Whatever, I’m already in too deep as I’m 3 packages away from having all the pieces.

Then curiosity sets in as I’m doing my research and I want to know why my last computer failed. I took out the graphics card thinking that it’s taking up too much power but it reacted like it usually did: a fire about to burn out. After it tried to restart itself it just died. So I hooked up my new power supply and the blasted thing booted up like it was a pre-teen again, no freezing, no restarts. Whatever! 3 packages away!

Oddly enough this endeavor has given me an appreciation in regards to what I am capable of. I’ve always wanted to build a computer for myself but relied on others to do it for me out of fear. Setting it up, being surrounded in my tiny room by techy boxes, I couldn’t help but gush in excitement. I felt manly. Not really in the traditional sense, but in the simple act of using my head, working with my hands, and problem solving in something I always assumed to be way to extensive to bother with.

Without the mistakes I made, and the realization that I could have just bought a new power supply instead of a brand new set up, I wouldn’t have the confidence to say that I’ve built something for myself.

I guess that’s worth the financial hole I’ve been placed in.

13 / 05
2 notes
Youtookmypicture at hotmail com

7th quarter Animation student at the San Diego Art Institute